Barbershop Banter Lover Pillows

"I'm thinkin' blond."

"Does sir wear his hair cut just off the ear?"

"The ear? I married a rancher's daughter."

"Is that enough off the top?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Drunk Barber

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"...and yes, you did take too much off the top!"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Here comes Ted.'

Giraffe Haircut

"Can we discuss this?"

"Not too much off my back."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

I am a bass/baritone/tenor.

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

The crew of the pirate ship 'The Bearded Lady' celebrate their greatest booty haul ever.

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'How long will it be until he can sit up and take the criticism?'

'I don't think much of your work experience scheme Eric!'

'Speak with the voice of reason again.'

Sports Bar: 5-7 pm No Bullying During Happy Hour.

'Excuse me, would you like a 'pre-coital cigarette'?'

Have a drink with me tonight. I can't I'm married. Tell your husband you're working. Tell him yourself, he's shaving you.

'You wouldn't be so quiet either if you had to sit on this board!'

Boris Johnson.