Barbering Banter Lover Pillows

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Hair Crop Circle

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'I like you, you've got balls.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"I'm thinkin' blond."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

The Art of Bantering!

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Deer Barber

Cold caller.

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"