Bailout Skeptic Gifts

"I'm worried. We're small enough to fail, but not big enough to be bailed out!"

USAID Octopus Wrapping Around Globe

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Standard & Poor

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

"If you had $1,000, and I asked you for a loan of $23.47, what percent of your original money would you left?"

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

"The $350 we received to stimulate the economy is still missing..."

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

"Our dental plan is fluoridation of the water cooler."

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

"If governments didn't think banks were worth saving we would not be worth our bonuses..."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

Money falling down a black hole

Politicians and Budget Cuts.

'We've heard that you don't have a debt. Please come with us, sir, you're under arrest because of being an unpatriotic domestic demand saboteur.'

Essential / Non Essential Signpost - 'It's way more competitive since they turned things over to the private sector.'

Yes, we do sell house insurance and life insurance, but I don't think you need both.

Greed Is Getting Back to Normal

Research For Money

"...Yes, of course you have to pay it back. That's why it's called a student LOAN!"