Bailout Skeptic Pillows

"I'm worried. We're small enough to fail, but not big enough to be bailed out!"

USAID Octopus Wrapping Around Globe

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Standard & Poor

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

"The $350 we received to stimulate the economy is still missing..."

"If you had $1,000, and I asked you for a loan of $23.47, what percent of your original money would you left?"

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

"Our dental plan is fluoridation of the water cooler."

"If governments didn't think banks were worth saving we would not be worth our bonuses..."

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

Money falling down a black hole

Politicians and Budget Cuts.

"...Yes, of course you have to pay it back. That's why it's called a student LOAN!"

'We've heard that you don't have a debt. Please come with us, sir, you're under arrest because of being an unpatriotic domestic demand saboteur.'

Essential / Non Essential Signpost - 'It's way more competitive since they turned things over to the private sector.'

Research For Money

'We're sorry. Your answer to your secret question was incorrect. Your bank account has therefore been erased from our banking system.'