Baggage Comedian Gifts

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"One checker, two packs of cigarettes, two screws, one teapot bird, one piece of coal, three lighters, one Christmas light, one clove of garlic, four boxes of matches, two books, three pieces of broken dish, eggshells, one saltshaker peg, one pen, one cre

I don't like the looks of this airline.

"You gotta teach me that trick."

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

'Well, it's about time you two came home.'

Left Luggage/Right Luggage

'You're a real cabbage patch doll! Lettuce introduce ourselves!'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"I lost control of the mower and composted most of your garden."

'Oh Doris!! I just love what you've done with the place!!'

"I'm not going in there. We might catch something."

Ladies and gentlemen, the bombardier has turned on the 'go-pick-up-your-luggage-off-of-the-tarmac' sign...

"It's beautiful, but maybe we should ask the pilots to turn the heat up."

'Any restrictions on the amount of luggage you can lose?'

'Just knock over a couple of garbage cans, and bring us whatever you find.'

"Don't you know who I am?! I demand an upgrade! I'm a platinum-plus frequent fly..."

"I keep writing Stone Age instead of Bronze Age on all my checks."

Lunch break.

'Of course money can't buy you happiness. Not on what you make!'

'Would Monsieur care to sniff the lid of the garbage can the wine was found in?'

"While we try to locate your baggage please take time to choose Useless Airways as a travel partner."

"I made this cake just like you said to: Cake mix, eggs, water, oil, and a ten inch mill file."