Bad Date Experience Pillows

"I'm not proposing marriage, but I'm not ruling it out, either."

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

Lonely leg syndrome!

"I can talk about myself for hours on end. If you want to go for more, that's fine..."

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'You write books, you say!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."