Bad Date Storyteller Pillows

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

In Desperate Straits.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'You write books, you say!'

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"You've been really interesting ever since we got through your origin story."

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

"Yes, when we chatted online you did tell me that you had a ponytail, but...

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

Earlier that day. Cheapskate Ernie bought discounted love potion 8.

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

'He was so cute! I touched his arm, and guess what? He said, 'Jeepers, Creepers'!'

'Here comes my date now. When I first met him, I assumed he was a good listener, but that hasn't been the case.'

'You better believe that a critique of this lousy date is going up on Facebook.'

"Was this date successful? No. Do you deserve a trophy for participation? Heck yes!"

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."

The beer-proof beret!

"I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe after I've finished this bottle of wine?"

We don't want to see your pull-down menu