Bad Date Story Pillows

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'You write books, you say!'

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"