Awkward Date Stories Pillows

Earlier that day. Cheapskate Ernie bought discounted love potion 8.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Here's your... neti pot... to share..."

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

The Adventures of Morton

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Nethead strip: Dates

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.