Funny Dating Stories Pillows

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

Anne didn't see the relationship as being over....

The world's most uncomfortable guy on his first day at work. 'This company is run by all my ex-girlfriends.'

"When I first met him, he wanted to change the world for me. Now, I'm lucky if I can get him to change his underpants."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'

Earlier that day. Cheapskate Ernie bought discounted love potion 8.

"Well, I'm sort of between quests at the moment."

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

'Bloody hell, Jack and Jill! Can't you do a simple thing like fetch a pail of water without getting stoned?'

'How was that for me?'

"Public display of rejection"

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"Your look of total bewilderment - does it run in the family?"

'You give me goose bumps.'

We don't want to see your pull-down menu

"You're the only man he's ever liked."