Funny Online Dating Stories Pillows

'I met him through a chatline website - he's a computer error.'

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

I don't need lobster and music and wine....

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

'That must be my computer date.'

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

People told me virtual dating was safe!

"I must say, Doctor Jeckyll, that you bear little resemblance to your profile picture."

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

Well, I didn't know he was a dragon when I met him online!

Using a social media app to date

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

"There's something you should know about me."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

Women Seeking Men

Quarandating.

You have: 2,010,597 matches

Computer dating.

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Internet dating

"Siri, find me someone better."

"The bastard told me he was a pilot."

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

"I googled you and I'm not interested."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

'Let me know if you want me to adjust the webcam.'

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'