Bad Dates Pillows

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Just our luck. We finally see the 'feel good' movie of the year and it's December."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

"This is all very romantic, but I can't see my fork."

"Hey, no kidding! I prefer slow dancing, too!"

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'You write books, you say!'

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"Sunsets were cooler before he wore transition lenses."

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

'...so you wouldn't have to spend any money in the pub.'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

'Where are all these alien abductors when you need them?'

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'