Bad Date Pillows

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

"I had a lovely time - now I'm going to go to bed and try to forget all about it."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"Now let's talk about you. . .What did you think of my birdie on the seventh?"

'You write books, you say!'

NO, I don't want to hear 'my dog's has fleas'!

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'You better believe that a critique of this lousy date is going up on Facebook.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Well, what are you doing after the millennium?"

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Just our luck. We finally see the 'feel good' movie of the year and it's December."

'I told you not to order the chocolate cream surprise.'

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

"This is all very romantic, but I can't see my fork."

"Hey, no kidding! I prefer slow dancing, too!"

'Quick Betty, come round to the Red Lion and wear your highest heels.'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'Ever have one of those days where nothing seems to go right?'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

'When I said you could pick me up at 8, I assumed you owned a car.'

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

"Big date tonight, Dad. Can I borrow the cardigan?"

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

'One of those days, huh?'