Bad Date Storyteller Gifts

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

In Desperate Straits.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"You've been really interesting ever since we got through your origin story."

'You write books, you say!'

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"Yes, when we chatted online you did tell me that you had a ponytail, but...

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

Earlier that day. Cheapskate Ernie bought discounted love potion 8.

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-28).

'He was so cute! I touched his arm, and guess what? He said, 'Jeepers, Creepers'!'

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

Will pull fire alarm so you can ditch your online date.

'Here comes my date now. When I first met him, I assumed he was a good listener, but that hasn't been the case.'

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."

"Was this date successful? No. Do you deserve a trophy for participation? Heck yes!"

The beer-proof beret!

We don't want to see your pull-down menu

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.

'What's a lovely girl like me doing in a place like this? How should I know, you brought me here!'