Bad Date Chronicler Gifts

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'You write books, you say!'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

'Where are all these alien abductors when you need them?'

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

'I finally met a macho, self-assured, good-looking guy, and wouldn't you know it? - He's doing thirty years to life!'

"Waiter! I need a doggie bag and a body bag, please."

Small man falling in love with large woman

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

He wouldn't been a great third date, but not quite worth suffering through dates one and two.

'Here comes my date now. When I first met him, I assumed he was a good listener, but that hasn't been the case.'

"Was this date successful? No. Do you deserve a trophy for participation? Heck yes!"

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

Sandra had heard that men liked to be asked about themselves.

The beer-proof beret!

Awkward First Dates