Dating App Chronicler Gifts

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

cuPad

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Today's love

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'He was taller online!'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

'To learn more about me, swipe my forehead with your smart phone.'

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

Tinder for dogs

"Do you think she's just playing 'hard to get'?"

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

"At first I thought it must be a typo when your profile said you were 'all mussel'."