Dating App Chronicler Pillows

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

cuPad

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Today's love

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'He was taller online!'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

'To learn more about me, swipe my forehead with your smart phone.'

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

"At first I thought it must be a typo when your profile said you were 'all mussel'."

"It's our third date, can we look at each other now?"

Courtship versus Tinder

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

"The bastard told me he was a pilot."

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)