Dating App Detective Pillows

"My date? Let's just say he isn't lying on his online profile when he says he is a bald eagle, but that is not his species..."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'