Relationship Chronicler Gifts

"Mind if I journal?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

Tunnel of love, then disillusionment, then mundane humdrum coexistence.

'Alright, let's do this.'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"I had half a date last weekend."

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

"I don't see what you see in him."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!