Bad Date Chronicler Mugs

'Wikipedia says that the new guy you're dating has been on Jerry Springer's show three times,'

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

'You write books, you say!'

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"Birthday? No? Anniversary?

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

'Where are all these alien abductors when you need them?'

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

'I finally met a macho, self-assured, good-looking guy, and wouldn't you know it? - He's doing thirty years to life!'

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-28).

"Waiter! I need a doggie bag and a body bag, please."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Small man falling in love with large woman

He wouldn't been a great third date, but not quite worth suffering through dates one and two.

Will pull fire alarm so you can ditch your online date.

'Here comes my date now. When I first met him, I assumed he was a good listener, but that hasn't been the case.'

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

Sandra had heard that men liked to be asked about themselves.

Awkward First Dates