Backyard Football Champion Gifts

A chicken coop goal.

Prize vegetables.

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'The kids take it very seriously - I'm sure it's their father's fault.'

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Beer Garden Kit

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

Lobster hot tub.

"A garden is a thing of beauty and a job for ever."

Beware of Curmudgeon!

The King Can Do No Wrong

Window in the Outfield.

This had the potential to get really nasty...

Autumn Leaves

"The long winter has gotten you out of shape, dad. Your back locked up. If it was your computer, I could help you."

'They're not even real, Miss!'

Man to man with horse: 'It's much easier without the horse, Hugo.'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, haven't you?"

Lawnmower racing

'Our patio heater won't hurt the environment, it's nuclear powered.'

"Are the racing strips really necessary?"