Backyard Entertainers Gifts

'Now, THIS is my idea of live entertainment.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

Canape?

"This never happened."

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

'Too bad we're not pay-per-view.'

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

"Joyce! The poltergeist are having another dinner party!"

Entertainment systems

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis.

'Propane ran out.'

"Don't be silly - we're being perfectly fine hosts."

'And the funniest part is I made Frank go out and buy a new, $5,000 fridge, just to hold a $4.00 bottle of wine!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Beer Garden Kit

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

"If you're going to drink, we'd rather you do it in the house where we can party with you."

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

'He's in charge of out 'Lost-and-Buried' department.'

"I see Mom won't let you go to the lake again."