Back Problem Ponderer Gifts

"How'd it happen?

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

Waiting for Pants

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Retirement Issues

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'

Well at least we can handle these rocks.

'Congratulations. Your old bloated 401K is now valued as a lean, mean 199F!'

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"