Problem Ponderers Gifts

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Artist

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Needs to get a life"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Ten Commandments

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

'At least I don't have his life.'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

Max Weber

"Great, now we're lost."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Off to a bad start.

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

A psychic mows the lawn.