Dilemma Ponderer Gifts

A lady having trouble deciding whether to jump over a fence or not

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

Thinking and thinking backwards.

Max Weber

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

"These are the care instructions. And if things don’t work out, there’s a recipe on the back."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Inventing Time Travel

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box