Baby Banter Specialist Pillows

"What are you in for?"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

First Word

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

Proud mums.

Newborn making the V-sign

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

'I finally memorized my social security number.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

'My god, he's insane.'

Baby Going to Toilet on Father.

'This is the crib phone. You have the wrong extension.'

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

"Personnel can't fund maternity cover,but they will second someone to come around and coo oooh! aah! when the baby's born..."

'She just got her first credit card application in the mail.'

"You are accused of throwing your toys out of the pram."

"I don't see why I have to learn this stuff! It's knowledge I'll never need! As long as you're here to translate for me."