Awkward Situation Reveler Pillows

"I can see from your résumé that you’re not getting this job."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"It's not what you think."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

Shy Man at Party

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

Dr. Miska: Eye, Ear, Nose and Embarrassing Bodily Functions.

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'