Awkward Situation Survivor Pillows

In the embarrassment cemetery

"The doctor said you can put your pants on now."

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

"Yes, she's expecting you. That's why she's twenty miles away by now."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Livin' the dream

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

'Have you noticed it, too?'

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'Geesh! Didn't your mom ever tell you to put on clean underwear in case you get in an accident?!'

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'