Awkward Situation Survivor Pillows

In the embarrassment cemetery

"The doctor said you can put your pants on now."

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

"Yes, she's expecting you. That's why she's twenty miles away by now."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Livin' the dream

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

'Have you noticed it, too?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

'I just don't think it appropriate to have your old divorce lawyer as your best man.'

'You have two of the most beautiful legs in the world. I counted them.'

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."