Awkward Situation Reveler Gifts

"I can see from your résumé that you’re not getting this job."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Bad Interview Technique

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"It's not what you think."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

"Ah guys, before you push any buttons can I just check my calculator?"

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

'Don't you hate people who blatantly use office parties to network?'

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

Shy Man at Party

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

'Now that's what I call a worthy cause.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

'Oh no! I think I left my wallet in the examination room.'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

''Change your underwear.' Hmm, my mother must be in town for a visit.'

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"I didn't see anything! I swear!"

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

"Apropos-of-nothing last words." "...John Stamos' middle name is Phillip."

"The interview was going great until she noticed on my c.v. that I was her ex husband."

"I . . . uh. . . had a real pleasant evening, Wendy!"

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

Dr. Miska: Eye, Ear, Nose and Embarrassing Bodily Functions.

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'