Awkward Question Avoider Gifts

"So, when are you gonna find a woman?"

What price beauty?

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Does this bird make me look fat?"

How many calories in a booger?

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

Frequently Asked Questions

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

Send. End.

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'The streets of Dodge City fell eerily quiet as the market researchers strode into town.'

My first rodeo

'It's not you it's me not liking you.'

Not in the mood for human interaction line