Awkward Question Avoider Gifts

"So, when are you gonna find a woman?"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

What price beauty?

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

"Does this bird make me look fat?"

How many calories in a booger?

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

Send. End.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Frequently Asked Questions

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"I'm not used to communicating face-to-face. Can we conduct this interview via text?"

'The streets of Dodge City fell eerily quiet as the market researchers strode into town.'

My first rodeo

Not in the mood for human interaction line