Awkward Questions Aficionado Gifts

"Dad, what's a transvestite?"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Bad Interview Technique

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

The Fascinating Language of Ambivalence, Decoded.

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

'I understand night and day, but which came first?'

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

Detective Dinkins always made sure suspects knew how good he was at getting them to talk.

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"Please to meet you, though I'm sorry about the circumstances."

"Apropo of nothing, would you still love me if I were a sausage?"

"What do you mean I ask too many questions?"

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

'How can he have an attention deficit when he has so many nice things to hold his attention?'

'Better than looking at four walls is here.'

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

"Why does February only have twenty-eight days? Why is the sky blue? Why are boys so yucky? Why do we have little toes? Why..."

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

'Shroffing the piefort proved it was a fido.'

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

"It's bad enough when someone give you a card who you didn't... but worse when it's a musical card!"

"There's an informal Q. and A., and then, afterward, the author's sad flirting with some fan."

The art of regifting

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jenkins doesn't like you."

'I wonder why we geeks don't get more women?'

'If Margaret, who had two children by her first marriage and one by her second, marries George, who has one child by his first marriage...'