Awkwardness Avoider Gifts

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"God help us, it's that guy."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

Nervous at a party.

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

'I don't care how educationally beneficial you guys may thing it is, I am not showing you the girl's video. That's what google's for.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause