Awkwardness Avoider Pillows

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"God help us, it's that guy."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

Nervous at a party.

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

Chatty, garlic-coffee breath, apathetic, contagious

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

"Gee, I hate gatherings like these! I never know the right thing to say..."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Recession the plus side: embarrassing 'water cooler moments' less frequent.

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

'Your mother is not a good loser is she?'

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."