Awkward Encounter Appreciator Pillows

"So, Carol tells me you're a baby."

"When you ask what I do, do you mean for money?"

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Flirtation

"I can't believe she doesn't want to see me again. I even complimented her on the way she chews food."

Showbiz Awards

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

Speed Dating Disasters

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

Road sign with a dinosaur.

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."