Awkward Encounters Enthusiast Pillows

'Our special tonight is buy two, get one free. Mind if I join you?'

"Do you reject guys like me here often?"

"You are really going to like Charles. He's my favourite ex-boyfriend."

"But he's no longer with us."

'Boy...it can be awkward meeting the parents for the first time.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"You and your daft inventions."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

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'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

"Why, Ed Phillips! I haven't seen you since our divorce!"

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

'Hi honey, take me off the speakerphone.'

The originator of the office birthday party.

Mel forgets to zip up his fanny pack before breakdancing.

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

"Just don't be yourself."

'Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.'