Awkward Encounter Appreciator T-Shirts

"So, Carol tells me you're a baby."

"When you ask what I do, do you mean for money?"

"Ah, I'd give it a few minutes, pal. Maybe light a match."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Flirtation

Turtle Blind dates

"I can't believe she doesn't want to see me again. I even complimented her on the way she chews food."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Are you blushing?!"

Whilst browsing in his local flea market, Jimmy has an awkward encounter with an ex.

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Say these things, don't think them!"

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."