Awards Host Gifts

A woman bows to the crowd

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Win - win

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

May I have the envelope, please?

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Oscars

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

Base chapel.

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Man reads from card at awards ceremony: 'And the award for Best Actress goes to ...'