Awards Host Pillows

A woman bows to the crowd

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

May I have the envelope, please?

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Oscars

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

"I want to thank all the little people."

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

Oscar Victory

Base chapel.

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."