Awards Show Host Pillows

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

May I have the envelope, please?

Djargo.

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Oscars

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

"And now the award for..."

Man reads from card at awards ceremony: 'And the award for Best Actress goes to ...'

A woman bows to the crowd

"Nominations for best skinny mad white dude goes to..."

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

Red carpet rolling over a limousine.

"This ought to bring in the young demographic!"

Ed Asner - 1929-2021

"What are you crying about? You're the one who wins all the awards."

"The first prize goes to WIlbur Van Zick who slept with nine out ten members of the jury. The second prize with eight members goes to..."

"I'll keep this short as I know many of you are eager to hit that dumpster out back."

Assorted Smiles, Show Business Awards.