Awards Night Pillows

"Congratulations on getting your 'Courage Under Fire By Media' award."

Wonderland Movie Awards. Tonight's award show was very exciting, and now it's time for the after-party. The Seven Dwarves are here -- they were tonight's winner for "Best Short." There's the frog who turned into a prince. He's the "Best Adaptation" winner. And here comes the Pied Piper, who took the trophy for "Best Performance by a Leading Man"! The Big Bad Wolf hosted tonight's show and is getting rave reviews -- he blew away the audience! His performance was cheered wildly. He brought

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

Jungle Games

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Oscars 2024

May I have the envelope, please?

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Giving an Oscar to an animal actor would put the academy awards into context.

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

Oscars

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"I want to thank all the little people."