Awards Night Pillows

"Congratulations on getting your 'Courage Under Fire By Media' award."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Win - win

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

Jungle Games

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Oscars 2024

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

May I have the envelope, please?

Oscars

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.