Award-winning Novel Enthusiast Gifts

My other novel's a booker winner

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Meet The Author"

Victor Hugo

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Nathaniel Hawthorne

First Novels.

Thomas Mann.

Reading my Critics

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

The Dorrie Decimal System

Television Readers.

'He likes to power nap.'

"Now I really hate poetry."

Blue Stockings

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Voltaire

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Silence of the Chickens...

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Characters jumping out of a book.

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Audio Books