Autograph Dealer Gifts

'I can't say that I have a specific interest in presidents or scientists. What have you got in the way of autographs by short, obnoxious autocratic bosses?'

"Boy, do I have an autograph album to show you?!"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think he was a celebrity."

"Sign my yearbook?"

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Misunderstood artist

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"Mom, will you help me take down my drawings? I'm selling my catalog."

Author of 'The Big Pop-up Book' popping up out of a folding table.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

Meet the Author

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'Billy - no! Do not ask for his autograph. He'll lose his natural fear of fans, become a nuisance, and then he'll need to be tranquilized and relocated to Europe.'

'Could you just e-mail me your electronic book with signature, please?'

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

"It's called 'Sold'."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

'I can't draw', Permanent Market on Canvas $10,975 - SOLD.

Crop Circle: Meet the Author