Autograph Dealer T-Shirts

'I can't say that I have a specific interest in presidents or scientists. What have you got in the way of autographs by short, obnoxious autocratic bosses?'

"Boy, do I have an autograph album to show you?!"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Larry's used art

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think he was a celebrity."

"Sign my yearbook?"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Misunderstood artist

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Mom, will you help me take down my drawings? I'm selling my catalog."

Author of 'The Big Pop-up Book' popping up out of a folding table.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Meet the Author

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"It may well be a hugely significant example of early 18th century Flemish art...but as head of merchandising I have to ask 'What would it look like on a fridge magnet?'"

'Billy - no! Do not ask for his autograph. He'll lose his natural fear of fans, become a nuisance, and then he'll need to be tranquilized and relocated to Europe.'

"It's called 'Sold'."

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'Could you just e-mail me your electronic book with signature, please?'

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

Crop Circle: Meet the Author

The Battle of the Pictures.

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

Free Artist with Each Purchase