Autograph Collectors Gifts

Shark Book Signing

"Anybody up there need an autograph?"

Elvis Presley's famous signature smile.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Sign my yearbook?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Use your imagination.

'It's not for myself, you understand."

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

Divine Desk Bins

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

"He's an abstract artist."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

"Caricatures $20"

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Art Gallery.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"I read 'Art News.'"

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Meet the Author

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.