Aunts And Uncles Gifts

Groovy Baby

Best Places to Retire

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"Maybe we should send her to finishing school!"

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"How is it you only remember the good times?"

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Louis Armstrong

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

I like the Jets...I guess