Auction Enthusiast Gifts

"The bidding will start at eleven million dollars."

The cat had figured out how to work Ebay.

Butterfly Auction

'Maybe that will teach you not to buy a manure spreader without seeing it first.'

David Dickinson

'Sold to the gentleman with the hysterical wife.'

'Sold!...to the man at the back...with the twitch.'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

P. Watkins Auctioneer: Going, Going, Gone.

"Congratulations, you just bought the book WE put up for auction!"

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"When he was 25 years old, Pablo Picasso had a studio in Barcelona, and he painted this door. The bidding begins at 3 million..."

'You have a Remington etching that has a mate somewhere of this coach scene. . . if you had the mate and cleaned the etching it would be worth $5,000 at auction. . . by itself $150.'

Rodin's Late Arriver

Bidder 2 bids £4 - 'Peel bids £5. Take that, Bidder 2.' - 'Bidder 2 bids £6.' - '£8. How you like it now, bitch, eh?!' - 'Bidder 2 bids £9.' - 'Give me the damn 'bread maker'!!!' -

'That sneeze bid in a used bull-dozer!'

Landscape with bootsale

Cardinal making bid for painting at auction with roman numerals

'We're sorry about your loss Mrs Dingleheim. But what about his Picassos?'

Stamp Auction

Notice at Auction: Any Wives Bidding Must have Note Signed by Husband

'I just sold my pitcher of water for $5,550,00.'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

E-Baying @ The Moon

Invisible clothes

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

I e-bay t-shirt.

"It's called 'Sold'."