Atheist Humor Lover Gifts

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

Night-time halo

"OMG, LOL!"

'Please take your receipt!'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

Pre-nuptual Nativity

When The Seven Deadly Sins Come Knocking.

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

'When I asked for your favourite Saint, I didn't think of someone like Michael Ballack, son.'

Nativity - The sitcom

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

"Thanks Moses, but I prefer my water bottled."

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

'Actually, we were hoping for a less high-maintenance God.'

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

God changes His will.

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

"I'm taking it all with me. I created everything, and it's mine."

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

Should I get these copyrighted, or is that covered by "Thou shalt not steal"? (Published previously on Dec. 10, 2002.)

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

"The dove must be back."

I brought my lawyer to go over the small print.

'Oh, ick! -- I just stepped on a fish!'

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

"T.G.I.F!"