Assembly Guru Gifts

Extra parts to confuse people.

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'I could do that.'

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

The Rise of Modern Art

'Wow, talk about genius!'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

Problem Solving

"When you say you're behind me 100%, do you mean base ten or binary?"

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Creative accounting.

"Was it a fuse?"

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Enlightened Cursing

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

Cool Cat, Dog Dork, Grumpy Goldfish, Constipated Cockatiel.

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Rodins rotten juggler

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

'It would be just like my husband not to like the color.'

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

McCartney art exhibition: 'The only reason they gave him the show is because he's got a famous daughter'

"I can't find the instructions."

'Do you think we can blame it on El Nino?'

Inventor of Morse Code