Assassinations Gifts

Acting Alone

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Can You Spot the Differences?

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Holiday time.

Bowled over again!

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Super Dog'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Mixed Doubles.

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"All I did this summer was go fishing, camping, bike riding, swimming, boating, and go the movies, carnivals, fairs, concerts and games. I'm bored."

The Elliot Ness monster.

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'How about a game of cards?'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Funky Facts: Football.

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Alternative fielding positions

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'