Gun Slinging Stories Gifts

Marshal Hickory BIll makes the first Wild West faux pas.

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Don't editorialize."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Non-violent Western (Cowboys with water pistols).

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"White Collar Prison"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

'Why is it always about me?'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

Moses as a mobster.

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

Undercover Biophysicists

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'